I've gotten everything that I used as an excuse for not making better music. I used to say that I could do it when I had a Macbook. Then, only if I had my own Macbook. I said that I needed a synth. A better guitar. The right cords and converters. Guitar lessons. A band. New software is still on the list, and a tabla or drum machine, but you and I can both see how this is going. Tonight I realized how pathetic my attempts have been. Since I moved into my dorm, I have only touched my guitar and Garageband once. ONCE. And, (even though I try not to say this out loud), I may have some ridiculous dreams of actually doing music for a living someday. I am a contradiction. I want to take the world by storm with my music, but yet I don't write or even play. I've heard it said that if something is important enough to you, you'll make time for it. But music is important to me. The only reason I can think of is that I'm scared- it might not turn out like I imagined (read: perfect), and then I would feel like permanently quitting. Isn't it better if I just postpone the failure so at least right now I can feel like I'm good at music?
Tonight, I broke out an unfinished song, one which explores new musical territory for me. That means that there is a huge risk involved. If my attempt to.... rap (yes, little middle-class white girl, blah blah blah- shut up)... if rap doesn't doesn't go well this time, I might never touch it again. I found some old synth/iPad recordings and tried to put the two together. Perfect? NO. But at least I opened Garageband.
I need to remember to keep getting back on the horse, even though it's big and it's scary and it is wayyyy too easy to fall off. And tomorrow, I will open Garageband again.
XXX
storm
